This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
