At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
