We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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