Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
