he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Randomize
