doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize