she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
