Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
