WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
kristin has been a bad kristin
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
