So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
