Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
