Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
