Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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