Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Randomize
