wrigley field is MILF paradise
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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