i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
