did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
