who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
