It's like God shit irony all over that family
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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