Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
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