With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
