Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
