oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Fuck appropriateness.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Randomize
