I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
