We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
