i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
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