sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
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