Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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