I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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