so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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