your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
