Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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