did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize