sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
