I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
