just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
