So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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