ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
