apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize