he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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