i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
