There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
