@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
