We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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