I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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