her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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