If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
