I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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