why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
another moral hangover. fuck.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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