It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
