I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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