she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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