just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
