I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
