Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I wish there were birth control emojis
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
