We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
