were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
