I'm really into asian looking animals
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
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