hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize