If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
