haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize