So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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