She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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